Call Me!!!!!

Let me be upfront about it. I have nothing to hide. I love American Idol. I think it's stupidly fun and I love hearing people sing. Plus I like to pretend that maybe one day I'll be able to sing and then I'll audition- and Simon will be like "you're really really cool- the coolest person to ever come to American Idol,  Welcome to Hollywood"; and then I would be all happy and go into the lobby and hug Ryan Seacrest and give him a hard on with all the man on man hugging going on. Ahh- to dream.

Well anyway- we're two episodes in- and I think I found my favorite contestant so far- Bruce- now he didn't make it to LA- which is a shame- but that's okay Bruce, because you can always come to NYC and worship the Idol in my pants (ok- that makes no sense). Oh, also- Bruce is a Virgin, and not only is he a Virgin- he also has NEVER KISSED A GIRL.... and he's like 19. Enjoy:


Now I have to admit, I sort of think this Bruce kid is hot, but that key and heart locket shit he has with his Dad is totally creepy- you know he hasn't kissed a girl because he's too busy kissing his dad. Ewwwwwwwwwwww. But seriously- isn't that shit only for people like Jessica Simpson and her dad????

Bruce- LISTEN TO ME!!!! Run away from your dad, throw away that necklace, and go and get yourself an STD already. A man hasn't lived until he experiences burning pain when he pees. Why bother giving your wife some cheap ass necklace when you can give her Gonorrhea.