Straight Off the Runways of Staten Island

So just two posts down you can read my rant about how much I HATE when people wear comfy "travel" clothes, like velour jump suits, or PJs, or UGGS when they travel on an airplane. Well if you disagreed with me, and you don't think that people who wear UGGS or velour jump suits should be shot and removed from the airport, then I guess you have the same logic and mental capacity as this tramp:

Yup, that's Paris Hilton arriving in NYC looking cheaper than a sale at Forever 21. And is that Paris's nylon duffel bag that that bitch in the red sweater is carrying? As if the whole ensemble couldn't get any cheaper looking. For a girl who once claimed that she didn't know what a WalMart was, she certainly has the whole look down.

I'd Prefer If We Didn't Work Together Actually.

Ok, so don't even ask me how I came upon this video on Youtube, let's just say it was accidental. And by accidental, I mean, I discovered this freak after reading a crazy post he wrote on Broadwayworld.com (don't judge, I only read, I don't post), and am now secretly obsessed with him and his awkward and embarrassing videos. Here is a music video that I'm sure is meant to spark some idea of equality and social justice, but instead, it even makes me afraid of homos. It's soooo bad it's delicious. There are even more frightening videos, but I think this captures the overall spirit best:

Isn't this genius? I swear, it ranks up there with that Big Bibles video I posted the other day. I love the Casio Keyboard accompaniment and the fact that part of it looks as if it was shot in Astoria, which is exactly where I would expect this wanna-be theater queen to live. Those lyrics have to be the worst I've ever heard in a million years. Plus his face has this frog/fish man appearance to it, with a forehead that looks as if I could hide out under it until the rain clears. It's scary and should probably be kept under a paperbag, except on Oct. 31, the only day it should be allowed out. Perhaps he's related to Bertrand from Star Academy (see my earlier post if you don't know who I'm talking about).

Sick of seeing people from New Jersey, Staten Island, and Long Island wearing their "travel" velour jumpsuit when boarding the airplane? (Seriously, I hate when people who travel wear "travel" comfort clothes, like pj bottoms and UGGS, as if because they have to sit in a plane seat for a few hours, it suddenly becomes okay to dress like you're home watching Liftetime because it's a heavy flow day and you got serious cramps.) Well worry no more, you can now fly naked... well in Germany at least:

"FRANKFURT (Reuters) - German nudists will be able to start their holidays early by stripping off on the plane if they take up a new offer from an eastern German travel firm.
Travel agency OssiUrlaub.de said it would start taking bookings from Friday for a trial nudist day trip from the eastern German town of Erfurt to the popular Baltic Sea resort of Usedom, planned for July 5 and costing 499 euros ($735).
"It's expensive, I know," managing director Enrico Hess told Reuters by phone. "It's because the plane's very small. There's no real reason why a flight in which one flies naked should be more expensive than any other.
The 55 passengers will have to remain clothed until they board, and dress before disembarking, said Hess. The crew will remain clothed throughout the flight for safety reasons.
"I wish I could say we thought of it ourselves but the idea came from a customer," Hess told Reuters by phone. "It's an unusual gap in the market."
Naturism, or "free body culture" (FKK) as it is known in Germany, was banned by the Nazis but blossomed again after the Second World War, particularly in eastern Germany.
"There are FKK hotels where you can go into the restaurants and shops naked, for example," Hess said. "For FKK fans -- not that I'm one of them -- it's nothing unusual."
"I don't want people to get the wrong idea. It's not that we're starting a swinger club in mid-air or something like that," he added. "We're a perfectly normal holiday company."

Jeez, I hope for the sake of the passengers, there isn't a lot of turbulence. All that ball, penis, and boobie flopping can start to get painful after a while, especially when they're all just hanging out all loosey goosey. That's why I always wear a jock strap while traveling!

I feel bad for these flight attendants. True, flight attendants are giant whores by nature who get their rocks off in the airport bathroom. But you know that most of the people who ride this flight are old men whose balls sag down to their knees, and women with spiderwebs and dust bunnies growing in their cooters and boobs that droop to their belly button.

Freak on a Leash

Ah, how I love those wild and crazy Brits.

Meet Tasha Maltby:

Tasha Maltby, 19, told British newspapers she was the "pet" of her 25-year-old fiance Dani Graves.
Pictures showed her dressed in black Gothic-style clothing with silver buckles on a silver chain -- which the driver of a bus from the firm Arriva took exception to.
She told the Daily Mail newspaper Wednesday she was thrown off and told: "We don't let freaks and dogs like you on."
Arriva would not comment on specifics but said it apologized if the couple felt they had been discriminated against. It added, however, that the driver was worried about safety and the company told Maltby to take the leash off in the future.
"We have spoken to the driver who has talked about health and safety," a spokesman said. "Should she be attached to a chain and something happens on the bus, that could be dangerous. All we are saying is that she is very welcome to use the buses but not when she is on her lead."
Maltby -- who lives on state benefits and got engaged in November -- said her choice of lifestyle might seem unusual but was harmless.
"I am a pet," she told the Daily Mail. "I generally act animal-like and I lead a really easy life. I don't cook or clean and I don't go anywhere without Dani. It might seem strange but it makes us both happy. It's my culture and my choice. It isn't hurting anyone." BBC News

Sign me up! Seriously, other than the leash business, being a pet sounds like the way to go. Someone to cook for me, clean for me, wipe my ass- Sweet!.

Why You Gotta Do Me Like That?

(click on photo to see full size)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jordan Catalano has broken my heart and officially crossed over to the dark side. And by dark side, I mean the black hole that is Paris' cooter.

I think I just died a little on the inside.

Call Me!!!!!

Let me be upfront about it. I have nothing to hide. I love American Idol. I think it's stupidly fun and I love hearing people sing. Plus I like to pretend that maybe one day I'll be able to sing and then I'll audition- and Simon will be like "you're really really cool- the coolest person to ever come to American Idol,  Welcome to Hollywood"; and then I would be all happy and go into the lobby and hug Ryan Seacrest and give him a hard on with all the man on man hugging going on. Ahh- to dream.

Well anyway- we're two episodes in- and I think I found my favorite contestant so far- Bruce- now he didn't make it to LA- which is a shame- but that's okay Bruce, because you can always come to NYC and worship the Idol in my pants (ok- that makes no sense). Oh, also- Bruce is a Virgin, and not only is he a Virgin- he also has NEVER KISSED A GIRL.... and he's like 19. Enjoy:


Now I have to admit, I sort of think this Bruce kid is hot, but that key and heart locket shit he has with his Dad is totally creepy- you know he hasn't kissed a girl because he's too busy kissing his dad. Ewwwwwwwwwwww. But seriously- isn't that shit only for people like Jessica Simpson and her dad????

Bruce- LISTEN TO ME!!!! Run away from your dad, throw away that necklace, and go and get yourself an STD already. A man hasn't lived until he experiences burning pain when he pees. Why bother giving your wife some cheap ass necklace when you can give her Gonorrhea.