Item of the Moment

This Item of the Moment is for all you lazy mofo's who, like me, hate taking their pooch out for a walk when it's fucking freezing outside (or if you're too damn drunk after coming home from a night out). Yes, sometimes caring for your bitch can be a bitch, and so to simplify your life, I present to you THE PAWWWS:

Isn't this thing ridiculous? And by ridiculous, I mean awesome. Sure, it sort of looks a little dangerous, and some of those dogs look as if they're one misstep from being pulled under the conveyor belt, but it beats the fuck out of actually taking your dog outside. I hope it plays that soundtrack too when the dog walks, that was funky. Now if only it could dispose of doggie poop, then it would be a dream.
Click Here to get your PAWWS Pet Treadmill.

Freak on a Leash

Ah, how I love those wild and crazy Brits.

Meet Tasha Maltby:

Tasha Maltby, 19, told British newspapers she was the "pet" of her 25-year-old fiance Dani Graves.
Pictures showed her dressed in black Gothic-style clothing with silver buckles on a silver chain -- which the driver of a bus from the firm Arriva took exception to.
She told the Daily Mail newspaper Wednesday she was thrown off and told: "We don't let freaks and dogs like you on."
Arriva would not comment on specifics but said it apologized if the couple felt they had been discriminated against. It added, however, that the driver was worried about safety and the company told Maltby to take the leash off in the future.
"We have spoken to the driver who has talked about health and safety," a spokesman said. "Should she be attached to a chain and something happens on the bus, that could be dangerous. All we are saying is that she is very welcome to use the buses but not when she is on her lead."
Maltby -- who lives on state benefits and got engaged in November -- said her choice of lifestyle might seem unusual but was harmless.
"I am a pet," she told the Daily Mail. "I generally act animal-like and I lead a really easy life. I don't cook or clean and I don't go anywhere without Dani. It might seem strange but it makes us both happy. It's my culture and my choice. It isn't hurting anyone." BBC News

Sign me up! Seriously, other than the leash business, being a pet sounds like the way to go. Someone to cook for me, clean for me, wipe my ass- Sweet!.

Meet Alfred!

Alfred is a blind harbor seal, who is also missing his right eye, but is now happy and safe at the Los Angeles Zoo after being rescued from the New Jersey Shore (and really we all need to be rescued if we're at the NJ Shore). Read Alfred's story here.

I think Alfred needs to hook up with Basil the dog (see below), they have a lot in common, what with both of them being blind and missing their right eye. Perhaps their friendship will be the inspiration for a big screen children's animated feature about two blind animals who team up to save their save their zoo from being turned into strip malls by putting on a show with all the other blind, deaf, and dumb animals, bringing visitors in from far and wide, giving the zoo enough money to stay open forever!!! It's sort of a rip off of Charlotte's Web, but it's not like there are any original ideas out there anyway.