Girl Next Door

So for those of you who have been following the Winehouse story-line on the Young and the Crackhead , when we last left off with our beloved heroine, her addiction to crack had been made public to the world when The Sun published this video of the Winehouse smoking crack and rambling something or another about a lost cat of hers. Amy has then since dyed her hair back to black and adorned the hive before checking into rehab 10 days ago, coping with her withdrawal symptoms through the pleasures of Marilyn Monroe movies (and I'm sure a fuckload of meds).

And so with all that having gone down within the past, oh, I don't know, two weeks, I was surprised to see Amy already out and about, and looking pretty good for the Wino.

What I'm most shocked about are those boobs? Have those always been there? Are they a side effect of detox? Are they just realizing, now that they're sober, that they fail in comparison to her giant bee-hive and are therefore over-compensating by growing over-night? All possibilities. But I suspect that, much like the bee-hive, Amy is using her ample bosom to hide all things secret and lost. Say perhaps this....

The little cat that Amy claimed her friends took from her house the night she was taped smoking crack.

Or perhaps it's her secret stash of crisps, chocolate, and crack...


But perhaps, since Amy is visiting the US Embassy she has something (or should I say someone) else hiding in her cleavage:

It's Blake, just in case she got her Visa on the spot, Amy was ready to make a run for it. Smuggled convict husband in her boobs. Drugs, cash, and a secret jet pack in the hive.

Cal-i-forn-ia Here I Come

So I consider myself a New Yorker. The idea of going to California for anything more than a vacation is maddening to me. Earthquakes! Fires! Mudslides! DRIVING! These are all things I haven't experienced, but am pretty sure I'd hate. Plus, I don't think it's right to live somewhere without a full range of seasons. HOWEVER, after reading this article, I think I might have found my reason to put all that shit behind me and pack it up ,and head out to California:

"LOS ANGELES - The city that popularized the fast food drive-thru has a new innovation: 24-hour medical marijuana vending machines.
Patients suffering from chronic pain, loss of appetite and other ailments that marijuana is said to alleviate can get their pot with a dose of convenience at the Herbal Nutrition Center, where a large machine will dole out the drug around the clock.
'Convenient access, lower prices, safety, anonymity,' inventor and owner Vincent Mehdizadeh said, extolling the benefits of the machine.
But federal drug agents say the invention may need unplugging.
'Somebody owns (it), it's on a property and somebody fills it," said DEA Special Agent Jose Martinez. "Once we find out where it's at, we'll look into it and see if they're violating laws.'" (click here to read full story)

Of course federal drug agents have to ruin everything, but still, a pot vending machine is totally awesome.
All they need to do is add a soda machine on one side and a snack vending machine on the other and it would be my dream. Actually, strike that, create an all-in-one pot, soda, and snack vending machine, and keep that shit in my building lobby- then it would be my dream!!

Diamonds Are a Crackheads Best Friend

Got a little drug problem? Suffering from wicked withdrawal? Wanna clean it up but don't have time for stinky rehab? Well get yourself a BlockBuster Card and start watching some Marilyn Monroe. That's what the Wino's doing:

"Her dad Mitch told The Sun yesterday: 'Amy is very ill and is suffering horrific withdrawal symptoms - shivering and constantly throwing up. Her body is expelling all the rubbish. One thing helping Amy is her Marilyn Monroe films. Amy loves Some Like It Hot. She’s a huge fan of Monroe and thinks she’s wonderful.'
Amy, 24 - who famously sang ‘No, no, no!’ to treatment in her hit Rehab - was admitted to London’s Capio Nightingale Hospital last Thursday after The Sun published shocking video stills of her smoking crack cocaine." (click here to read the whole article)

Somebody quick, call Dr. Drew of Celebrity Rehab. If Marilyn Monroe movies can help super-junkie, Amy Winehouse, with her withdrawal symptoms, think of what it can do to your run of the mill addicts!!!! Someone should study the healing properties of Marilyn Monroe movies.

Here's hoping that all that Marilyn watching won't send her back to this look:

White Lines

The NYDaily News is reporting the "drug dealer to the stars", is ready to sell his story, and guess who he claims one of his celebrity clients is? Read below:
"It seems New York's self-proclaimed "drug dealer to the stars" is selling more than happy pills.
Wednesday, a gentleman who represented himself as Lindsay Lohan's former cocaine dealer let it be known, through an intermediary, that he was ready to sell his story.
And he promised that he would spill on his other "big, big celebrity clients" if the price was right.
Quaintly, the Daily News does not pay sources, so Lindsay was the only name we got out of him.
"Lindsay was texting him over and over the week she was in town with [boyfriend at the time] Riley Giles," says the broker.
"But he said he wouldn't see her because she was just out of rehab." (NYDailyNews GateCrasher)

Um...this story just doesn't ring true to me. If he's so hard up for cash that he's ready to sell his client list then he should of ran to Lindsay's house when she paged him. Shit, fresh at of rehab she was probably ready to spend big, what kind of drug-dealer is he?
Actually, what am I saying? Isn't Lindsay reportedly hard up for cash? He probably didn't show-up because he knew her ass was broke.

Seriously though, something about this shit is shady. I mean if he's not going to come forward, and reveal his identity then he can basically say anything about anyone, and who can question him. Plus if he was really a drug dealer to the stars, then he must plan on selling his story for big $$$$ cause ain't no one gonna page his ass again once he spills the beans.

This Isn't Really What New York Is Like?

As I was reading through my daily blogs, I stumbled across this little video at CityRag. It's an advertisement for New York City, to promote tourism and shit (as if we need more fuckheads from Michigan wandering the streets).

I had no idea that a trip to New York also meant a trip on acid. How fun? Seriously though, I thought I was the only one who's ever seen a building sprout wings and shit, but apparently I'm not.

Video Killed the Radio Star

So below is the video that The Sun has acquired of Amy Winehouse smoking some crack. Just a normal day in the Winehouse house.

Now, I still can't believe that this bitch got a Visa to come to America for the Grammy's, but this is exactly the kind of show I'm hoping Amy will bring on the road, camera crew and all.

SLUTS OF AMERICA!

THIS IS HOW IT’S DONE:

"The catwalk queen got hot and sweaty with two female models and a lucky male guest while a crowd of onlookers snorted cocaine and ogled the eye-popping performance". (click here to read the full article from New of the World).

Now I love the News of the World for a lot of reasons- but I think my favorite reason I go to this site is to read the comments, which are hilarious because they use all their crazy UK talk and shit. Here are a few of my faves:

Posted by: Edmund Simpson | January 20, 2008 at 10:23 AM
“that is one jammy bloke. anyone got her number?”

Posted by: Shelley | January 20, 2008 at 11:51 AM
“She really is NOTHING special at all,bit of a minger if you ask me. Whats all the fuss about??? Even her nipples look deformed.”

Posted by: buzz | January 20, 2008 at 12:59 PM
“Kate you are a manky old tart-old beyond your years”

Jammy, Minger, Manky Old Tart! -LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!
The next time someone says something nasty to me (which will probably be later this afternoon), I'm totally gonna be all "Jammy off, you manky old minger tart". That'll teach them.

This post by Joe speaks for itself:
Posted by: Joe | January 20, 2008 at 10:18 AM
“How wonderful to read of the gut-wrenching envy and impotent apoplectic rage now consuming Middle England at the sight of this intelligent, stunningly beautiful and fabulously rich, independent woman enjoying herself. Good on you, Kate - go for it! You make me proud to be English!”
Joe- YOU make me proud that you're English!

Star Light, Star Bright...

... Kate's Face Gives Me the Frights.

Kate Moss was out and about last night celebrating her 34th birthday. According to the Daily Mail, Kate had planned to celebrate with 34 hours of partying, one for each hour she's been alive.

Well... bitch is showing her age, because she failed. The hag crashed after a mere 18 hours of partying- amateur!

Quick- Hide Your Crack Pipes

Warning! Warning!
Hide all Coke, Crack, Baby Powder,Baking Soda, Ajax, Whatever.
Amy Winehouse is coming to America and she's ready to snort anything in her way!


According to EW.com the Grammy's are expected to go on with or without WGA Approval- and none other than Miss Amy Winehouse is expected to be in attendance. Of course it's unknown whether or not Winehouse will perform- but who really cares- I'm just excited that she's taking the mess of a show that is her life on the road.

It was touch and go for a while as to whether Amy would be allowed in the country, given her history of drugs and arrest- but since this is America- her Visa was approved and Winehouse is free to terrorize the states!

You know Britney is PISSED that Amy's bringing her shit to America. Britney owns crazy this side of the Atlantic. Be prepared for some nutty celebrity hijinx the week of the Grammy's

I wish they would allow Blake to come into the country too so we can get the full effect- like a prisoner exchange program or something- but alas- it doesn't look like my wishes will come true.