I'm Not So Bad Afterall!

So, I sort of felt like a dirty old man for posting Shia LaBeouf in a speedo with his frank all outlined in spandex, and stuff. I'm less than a decade older than him, but because I remember him as that pube haired kid from Even Stevens, it feels wrong to drool over him all wet and half naked.

But after watching this video of some pudgy middle aged man flat out mouth-rape wee little Daniel Radcliffe, aka Harry Potter, aka Soon To Be Seen Naked in a Broadway Theater Near You... I don't feel nearly as dirty or perverted. Yay!!

Watch Harry get his man on man action below:

Best Comedy Video Ever

So, I introduced you a little while back to the web gem, GodTube.com. It's the cookoo Christian answer to YouTube. You know, boring, bizarre, out of touch, and full of inadvertent humor. This video below is hi-larious. It's completely off, sort of confusing, and proof that I made the right choice to turn my shoulder on the old J-dog.


I mean, who are we supposed to be afraid of here??? The Evangelists? The non-believers? Either way I love it. I think my favorite is the wife who's all doped up on prescription pills, and who looks like she has a micro-chip wedged into her brain. Break free lady, get into a three way, and smoke some dope.

I'll Go Straight for You

I think that this performance is really really awesome for a few reasons. First of all I LOVE THE KLAXONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like, really love them, and while I don't really listen to Rhianna on my ipod or anything- I still dig her hard.

Now, of course, it's no surprise that a gay man loves Rhianna, but I love her more now than ever. I think she's really embracing a cool edgy side to her style. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE that she's wearing a long sleeve gown, with a hooded shawl!!!! It works sooooo well with the lasers and the orchestration of the song. I really enjoy her shorter hair, and I love that she's willing to not look like a trampy slut like most young female popsters.

Now, if I could get a performance combining Rhianna, Bjork, Klaxons, and Daft Punk, I would fucking explode, like just instantly burst with excitement and joy. AHHHHH- I'm getting too excited even thinking about it.

I Feel Dirty

So I don't know why a lot of people diss on Shia, but I actually like him a lot. What I don't like is that I'm conflicted with the funny feeling I get in my groin when I look at this picture. Part of me wants to get behind him, tear off his speedo, and.... well, you get the point. But at the same time, I can't help but feeling like that's wrong. Weird, I know, since I have no real moral compass,and his groin is so...outlined, seriously, do you think that's Photoshop, or is he really sporting that full a package? Well, perhaps I feel dirty, because deep down I'll always remember Shia as this boy from Even Stevens:


It's a shame really. Shia has turned into a sort of hot youngin', but because of his little stint with Disney, I won't ever be able to see him in his Speedos and not feel like a dirty old man for getting turned on. What a shame, what a shame.

Too Much Lifetime Movie Network

TMZ is reporting that the Long Island hospital where J-Lo is planning to crap out her twinlets has been reportedly practicing "code pink" drills in precaution of a J-Lo babynapping.



Why doesn't she just have her vampire husband, Marc Anthony, circle the hospital and bite the neck of any would be baby burglers. That'll stop them.

Hot Pooch of the Week

Meet Jack:

Jack is super duper super cute, and he needs a forever home. I've never had an Italian greyhound, but Jack makes me want one. I'm totally in love with that face and those eyes. You could tell he's totally skeptical of this photo shoot he's taking. He's about two minutes from walking off set and calling his manager for setting him up on this shit.

Check out his full adoption profile here.

I Creamed My Shorts

Seriously people. I fucking wet myself when the Kanye began his performance and I saw the fucking pyramid spaceship on stage, and I officially lost my nut when this happened:

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is probably the best thing that could have ever happened to the Grammy's and the American public. Isn't this Daft Punk's first televised appearance here in the states? AHHHHHHH!!!!!! So exciting. I'm in love with those robots. Also, this whole thing just makes me need some fiber-optic clothing in my life.

Enjoy the entire Daft Punk/ Kanye appearance on last nights Grammy's.

People of America, Please Note

If I see you wearing this on the street, and I don't care who you are, or what you're doing, I will come over smack you on your head and steal these sandals from you- it's for your own good (actually I'm lying, if you're strong or bigger than me, I won't do this, but if you're small, a woman, sickly, or the elderly, then you better watch it).

Here's a little note from the creator of these beauties, which are called Bonsai Sheepskin Sandals (notice how I purposefully didn't refer to him as a designer- since slapping a shag rug on the top of a flip-flop does not make one a designer):

"It was a chilly Northern California morning two years ago, and as usual, I was running late for class. I kicked off my comfy sheepskin house slippers, but there would be no time for socks today. I eyed my well-worn pair of sandals by the door, and with my eyes on my watch, my hand on the doorknob, and my bare, rapidly-cooling feet slipping into my flip flops, a light bulb went off:

"I wonder if anyone's ever tried combining a flip flop with a sheepskin slipper?"

Well I hunted around, and nobody had. So I set out to try. A few months and a patent application later, I had solved my little problem. And as it turns out, I wasn't the only person out there who wanted to wear their flip flops all year round.

— Alex V., Founder, Bonsai Sandals"

...No Time for Socks???? Who doesn't have time for socks. It takes like .2 seconds to put them on. Socks are also our friends and necessary to cover our skank feet. Thank God this Alex person is in Northern California, since I don't live there, but still, I have friends who do, and I'm scared for them quite honestly.

Seriously- since most people who wear stuff like this tend to be sort of crunchy and shit, can you imagine how nasty a sheep skin covered flip-flop would get? Gross.

I'm not including a link because that would only make it that much easier for the misguided to find a pair (and they come in different colors- eek!!!)

What Does This Mean?

Look at this picture below of Lindsay Lohan taken about two nights ago and tell me this isn't a sign from above:

It's old school Lindsay!!!! I can't tell if her hair is more brown or red, but I don't care, as long as it's not blonde. Blonde hair on these girls is the sign of evil things to come. I think the dye seeps into their brains and makes them crazy.

Seriously, I can't believe how great she looks. So young and fresh in comparison to that nasty yellow stuff she had. She probably saw how vile Mischa Barton looks with her new yellow hair and promptly went to the salon to get hers dark again.

I really don't know what to expect next. This is the sign of great things to come. Lindsay Lohan goes back to her natural hair color today... world peace and Hillary Clinton in the White House tomorrow. The world is making sense again. Whew.

J Lo Ready to Explode

Oh my god, look at Jennifer Lopez!!

Mamma is ready to burst like a swolen balloon or my anus after a night of McDonalds with a Taco Bell chaser.

Seriously, I love the idea that instead of going into labor, J Lo's tummy will just explode and out will pop her little twins along with whatever else she has in there. Hmm... I wonder what a J Lo explosion would look like?????

Girl Next Door

So for those of you who have been following the Winehouse story-line on the Young and the Crackhead , when we last left off with our beloved heroine, her addiction to crack had been made public to the world when The Sun published this video of the Winehouse smoking crack and rambling something or another about a lost cat of hers. Amy has then since dyed her hair back to black and adorned the hive before checking into rehab 10 days ago, coping with her withdrawal symptoms through the pleasures of Marilyn Monroe movies (and I'm sure a fuckload of meds).

And so with all that having gone down within the past, oh, I don't know, two weeks, I was surprised to see Amy already out and about, and looking pretty good for the Wino.

What I'm most shocked about are those boobs? Have those always been there? Are they a side effect of detox? Are they just realizing, now that they're sober, that they fail in comparison to her giant bee-hive and are therefore over-compensating by growing over-night? All possibilities. But I suspect that, much like the bee-hive, Amy is using her ample bosom to hide all things secret and lost. Say perhaps this....

The little cat that Amy claimed her friends took from her house the night she was taped smoking crack.

Or perhaps it's her secret stash of crisps, chocolate, and crack...


But perhaps, since Amy is visiting the US Embassy she has something (or should I say someone) else hiding in her cleavage:

It's Blake, just in case she got her Visa on the spot, Amy was ready to make a run for it. Smuggled convict husband in her boobs. Drugs, cash, and a secret jet pack in the hive.

Hey Mambo!

So this photo of Sofia Loren is sort of killing me right now. I mean, this woman is 73 people. 73!!! Even Lindsay Lohan barely looks this good and she's, like what, 21.

I think I know the answer to Sofia's secret. While other celebrities are going under the knife or using fetus/embreyo/snake venom cream to stay young and fresh looking, Sofia borrowed her secret from this hot bitch:

Princess Mombi from Return to Oz. Remember that shit? She's like the new evil witch when Dorothy returns and she turned all people in oz to stone and then collected the heads of pretty girls to wear on her body. If you didn't see that movie- rent it. It's fucking wierd as hell. I remember being petrified of the Wheelers. Seriously, this things scared me soo much I was afraid to even wear rollerskates in case I turn into them.

This idea makes a lot of sense to me though. It explains why she's always wearing chokers and high collars shit. To hide where the head snaps onto her body, see: